I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
