this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
