make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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