He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
