I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
