you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm bleeding and have questions
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
