He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
