I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
