Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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