this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
