hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
