What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
