As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
