Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well I just put wine in my tea
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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