this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
