They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
