Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
