who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
