I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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