i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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