When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
so let's talk penis.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
