people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
