I'm lost and stupid without you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
please come you make the beer taste better
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
