Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
