Someone shit on the floor
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
