well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
