her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
