nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
