i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
