she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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