lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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