I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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