Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
