This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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