I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
