Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
