The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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