I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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