just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
