There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
