i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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