I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
