Your dad touched me again.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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