Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
