dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
