I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
