for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
