Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
