Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
