Define "chronic" masturbator.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
The air was thick with penises
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
