I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
