how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Randomize
