the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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