When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
