Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
