I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
