someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
